That is exactly what I am doing. I’m just moving in the shadows. Not telling anyone around me my plans, ideas, thoughts, etc. (those I haven’t told don’t know about my blog), and honestly, it feels so good. Not having to worry about judgments, arguments, etc.
Keeping my weight loss journey, the education, and my mental health away from certain people makes life so much easier. Knowing how they would behave, react, laugh, be mean, etc., wouldn’t help me keep going.
Today I have actually studied! Yes, it’s true! I have even sent in three assignments! Now I only need to do the rest of the assignments, and I will be on the same level as the class. Oh, who am I? Haha!
Today has also been an energy-stealing-upsetting-mode day. This came a few hours after I studied.
I have cried. I became insecure about stuff, and I couldn’t shake it off. Millions of thoughts, tears, music and and screams inside my head. When I saw E’s face when opening the door and he said, “Hello, friend,” everything went away for a bit. I’m in bed, and it has come back, but this time, I’ll fight it.
REGRETS
I shouldn’t have eaten that sausage now before bed, or in general. Having toast (grain bread) and a slice of sausage on the toast made the calorie scale go above the limit for the day. Like, excuse me? Apparently, the bread I’m eating isn’t healthy either! Even though it says it is and the ingredients are healthy, I guess I was wrong. Also, my breakfast All-Bran flakes aren’t healthy either… So I need to Google what safe foods are and what’s OK to eat while on a weight loss journey.
It’s Monday, and I’m just a few days in on the new weight losspath I’m on, so I’m not worried. I will try harder and learn more about nutrition, healthy and unhealthy foods, hidden sugars, etc., so I can achieve my goals.
Weight loss journey talk here
Today I tried “normal” food—hash browns—for dinner, and knowing how much fat is in them and knowing how the pan would look after they had been in the oven, I wasn’t so tempted to eat them, but I had to eat. My blood sugar was getting low. Seeing how the pan looked like after they were done, I couldn’t eat more than three of them. I made five each (15 in total) due to them not being big (they are small).
Today in list
power nap- 1h
studied for 3h
sent 3 assignments to my teachers
dinner > 3 hash browns w/ lingonberry jam (which I regret)
“Hello friend!” makes me smile every time
regrets
insecurities & tears
I apologize for writing this post all jumpy on different subjects. My brain isn’t functioning right now due to a massive headache, so I’m actually just going to try to get some sleep before E comes to my bed.
“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” – Steve Maraboli.
My son is currently listening to “Nu kör vi igång,” meaning “Let’s get started” in Swedish, while playing his drums, and honestly, the song is right! Though the song is about something else, that line, “Let’s get started,” and “Let’s keep going” is such a powerful lines, and that will help me keep going to achieve my goals.
Today, I have made my decision to only step on the scale once a week. Just to try not to become a maniac with the obsession to go on the scale again several times a day like I normally do but keep an eye on the weight so I don’t gain it all and keep the motivation up.
So I will step on the scale every Sunday to see what I have “to work with” the week after.
The scale shows -4 kg since Monday. Yes, I dropped another kilogram since yesterday, so let’s keep going!
-4 kg (2025.11.16)
Keep going on the goals
Today I will make hash browns for E and I will have a frozen dinner ( Chicken Butter Masala, home made) and some veggies.
Today’s to-do: clean the apartment ● fold laundry ● hang up clothes ● sort old clothes out from E’s closet that he has outgrown ● maybe meal prep (if time)
Hello my beautiful boo’s 🩷 I hope you all are doing fantastic today! I hope you all had or have depending where in the world you are at right now, a wonderful Saturday/(/or sunday).
Why am I shocked, and what am I planning?
Well, on October 26th (Sunday) I started with the 16:8 diet but changed it to 17:7 due to school. Unfortunately my blood sugar didn’t respond so well to that diet, so I had to stop with it, but I have kept a bit from it.
Slowly showing and it keeps me motivated to keep going. Slowly but steady. I’m not gonna become a maniac as I was back in 2022 and walked daily for 3 months and lost 40kg.
Lately I had started to eat “breakfast” and cut back a lot on Pepsi Max. As you all know, I am heavily addicted to Pepsi Max and normally drink 4-6 L per day! I know, insane! But lately I have been struggling with cutting back while at the same time struggling to drink more water. I have gone from 4-6 L per day to at max 1.5 L, but the past couple of days I have only been drinking max 1 L. Tonight (and other nights) I had 0.5 L of Pepsi, and I am so proud of myself. I have been drinking tons and liters of water. According to an app I use to keep track, I have drunk 3 L of water today—now that’s insane! So in total I’ve been drinking 3.5 L today, and oh god, I am beyond proud.
I have also stopped eating popcorn (which was a heavy trigger for me) and started to eat more carrots instead for night snacks! Never happened before, and I actually don’t feel hungry after two hours or so, so that is a win-win!
From my weight last Monday (10th of November) until today (15th of November), the scale shows -3 kg! THAT IS SHOCKING! Like what!? I can’t believe it but it makes me motivated to keep going! So I’ve actually started to plan on workouts for me to do! Crazy! No, it’s not boxing; it’s actually water aerobics.
I have looked into prices and locations and times and when I can go for regular swimming, and I am going to purchase a 10-times card in the beginning and try it out.
I won’t get electrocuted?
I have also ordered (I can’t without music) a waterproof MP3 player that I can attach to my bra while swimming, and luckily, a pair of headphones was included, so let’s go!
Hopefully they work. According to the description and website (all about water sports, swimming etc), it says it is. You can even dive 3 m with them. So I think they will work? If not? Oh well. Let’s just hope i wont be electrocuted in the water!
Ordered a waterproof mp3 player
Looked up prices, times, etc. for water aerobics and when to do regular swimming.
Looking around for a bathing suit, but I don’t know.
Today’s dinner
½ dl rice ● 1 chicken breast in oven ● 100 gram of fried button mushrooms ● ½ dl of fried onions ● 3 dl of veggie mix and 1 tbs of currysauce for flavor
He is supposed to start a free time activity tomorrow but we have to cancel it.
Happy Friday my boos!
Today has been an OK day. The struggle with abstinence of Pepsi Max is real (I’m addicted so while doing my healthy lifestyle turnaround, I’m also working on my addiction) and I can honestly say, I have ONLY had 50cl today! Which is ridiculously little!
My addiction to Pepsi Max is out of control. I drank up to 6 L per day, so imagine how I am now and how I feel with this struggle. It’s working sort of. I wish it could have been easier to just stop all of it instantly.
So far – I am dead proud of myself 👏🏻
“I’m gorgeous, right? Bleeh jokes on you! I’m not!”
Filter for lashes and the heart things.
After the walk I had earlier today (read HERE), I actually had a little bit of “home spa night,” which I normally have on Sundays, but today I felt I wanted and needed it.
I was supposed to go to a meeting today, but I had to cancel it on my part (M went on it luckily) due to taking care of E when he has a stuffed nose and is sick. He was supposed to go to school today, but nope, I had to report him sick, so it’s been a… “calm”-ish day. M had worked, came home, and ate. I got ready and went out on the walk at the same time as the grocery shopping. So much needed for my brain and mind. Even though the walk was short—but hey, sunlight, music and frost—I’m not saying no to that (could have skipped the frost and the cold part though)
Tomorrow E is supposed to have his very first hockey practice. J (my friend) is training (again) in hockey, so I have spoken with her, and she checked with her trainer, and E is allowed to train with J and the girls. Sadly, that has to be canceled as well. Hopefully next weekend will work!
today in list;
I did fall asleep this evening
I have eaten three carrots with aioli dip (not much) as night snack before bed
I have watched one episode of 1000lb Best Friends, and I get more and more motivated and inspired.
Grocery shopping
Been out on a walk
Felt proud of myself for the first time in a loooong time
E asked if I wanted to play with his toy trucks and I dropped everything I did and joined him.
Messing around on the floor (yes, I lay on the floor. No construction service was needed to call to help me get up of the floor. Lol!)
That’s pretty much my day. Nothing special. We’ll see what happens tomorrow.
Happy Halloween and Happy November 1st! CRAZY how time flies! I wanted to post yesterday and wish you all a happy Halloween and also say to stay safe. In Sweden people has started with that clown bullshit again. That thing that was a trend few years ago. Well, in Sweden they still do it.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN &
HAPPY NOVEMBER 1ST!
🎃✨️🎃
Lately I have been super busy with school, meetings, education for ADHD / AUTISM, having exams, send in assignments etc plus getting ready for tomorrow because my son E turns 8 years old! Now THAT is insane and crazy!
Yesterday’s simple makeup. Red eyeshadows with mix of brown colors and yellow lines. ● How suitable aren’t my tattoos when it’s Halloween? Snake and a pumpkin face.
Surprising E the day before his birthday
M is planning on going to the swimming pool/aquatic center with E, which is a lovely idea. E loves being in water and play around.
Yesterday I did makeup (I think I’m slowly getting back to it, but not daily as I had before). I miss doing makeup and actually wanted to do like a Pennywise (the dancing clown) with the red from the mouth and above the eyebrows, like a clown shape but in black. I decided to not do that due to the grocery shopping we had to do.
So I might do it later. Maybe tomorrow for school? Haha! Na, probably not.
Better view of the yellow lines. It actually look weird on one eye but oh well
Update on my diet but also a deep secret of mine is getting … told.
Short update on the diet I’m doing. I have changed it a bit from 16:8 to 17:7 due to school, and lunchtime is at 12pm. It’s going well. I’m hungry, yes, but I wait. I don’t eat any unnecessary things like popcorn, chips (it’s been a long time since I last ate that, but I write it to make it understandable of what I mean), candy, etc.
I try to cut out carbs, but it’s hard, but I am taking way less than I did before. No white bread. More vegetables and more meat/chicken. I started this last Sunday, and I’m going to weigh myself tomorrow and see. Yes, I‘m struggling with OCD at the same time as it comes to the scale. Before, I checked my weight every time I had eaten something, used the bathroom, drank water, or so. It was an obsession, and I was manic about it. So I struggle with it.
We’ll see how this first week has done, and I will try more to change my lifestyle.
I have also cheated on my plan to actually cut down another addiction I have, which is Pepsi Max, so I have actually (this makes me laugh that I even have done this) made a plan with the help of ChatGPT, but it’s working! So that’s good.
I write this update actually for myself, but hey, I also share it with you. Like I have written earlier, I’m keeping the blog raw and authentic, so here we go.
I hope you all have a wonderful day and an amazing month!
Yes, I know I blog more… less with days between, but honestly, I have no idea if y’all like that or not.
After discovering someone has stolen the photos of me I have posted here, I feel the need to start marking them. Which I honestly don’t want, but here we are.
For the past few days I have been just resting. As much as possible. I am so tired now all the time—so tired that I have fallen asleep several times each day.
On Monday I’m gonna try to get an appointment to take blood tests to check my iron level in my blood etc. I have low iron and had to take infusions before to raise the iron in my blood. I think it’s time to do that again.
●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●
Anyway, plans changed, meetings, education, school assignments, laundry, deep cleaning & a child having a meltdown. Well, several meltdowns.
Hello, my loves! I know I haven’t been blogging daily like I used to, but honestly, nothing special happens to me right now, and to try not to make the blog boring and make you tired of the updates, I’ll post every other day or something. I have googled to see what is a “good” amount of posts per week, and Google says once or twice per week. Isn’t that too little? I’m used to writing blog posts daily, sometimes several times a day, and seeing this suggestion makes me think. Is it better, or do you want me to keep posting like I do?
I honestly have no idea. Lol! Help? Ideas?
Wednesday: meeting at my child’s psychiatrist (I don’t know what it’s called or if this is the correct word) to start the investigations for my son for ADHD—investigation? Is that even correct? According to Google Translate, it is. Oh well. Fell asleep.
So many questions were asked, and so many answers were given. So much talk. It was step two. Step one was her meeting E at school. (Note that this psychiatrist was the one who gave E the diagnosis Autism level 3.) What the next step is, I have no idea. We’ll see what happens. Fell asleep .
Thursday; home from school (migraine)
Friday: S T R E S S with capital letters. First education, and I had to leave early due to a meeting. The stress was crazy. Going from one place to another, but I did it! I managed to get there in time. Fell asleep afterwards at home.
Saturday: Pretty ok day. Fallen asleep as usual. The tiredness is no joke, my dudes/dudettes. Laundry and just trying to relax before Monday and a new week.
Sunday: Don’t know yet other than I have laundry time and must do a deep cleaning of the home. Do some hocus pocus to see if it works—just going to try. For fun.
I will get back to you all about the Sunday later, but for now, I’m going to bed and sleep. Even though I have slept today, I am super tired right now. My eyes are becoming crossed and my eyelids heavy as… I don’t know. Just heavy.
I have also sent my posts on Instagram (@thecaffeinatedraccoon) to archives to start over, so I’m going to try to update it as much as possible. I have also uploaded on my photography account on Instagram (@eej.foto), which I will also try to update as much as possible.
Why can’t my body work? Why is my body always ruin things? It’s ruining my education and I’m heartbroken.
Lately, my body has begun to go against me. Migraine constantly—sometimes mild but mostly horrible. My body aches, my stomach is upset, etc. I don’t know what’s going on. I have tried to any kind of contact with a doctor but no luck.
My education is suffering, and it’s killing me! I am so far behind; even though I sent assignments in, I’m still falling behind. I have exams on Wednesday. Yet I don’t know if I will be able to attend it due to my body.
I can’t plan anything anymore. If I go out taking pictures, my body is ok, but I can’t go for a long walk from my home. I honestly have no idea what’s going on.
I was supposed to go to school today. I got up this morning, got ready, and boom, my body broke down. I had to message my teachers that I wouldn’t come in. Out of nowhere, my body broke down, and honestly, today I actually wanted to go to school. I was so prepared! So ready! I had packed my new backpack I got from J the other day; I had the outfits done, makeup, etc. Today was a makeup day for me—and boom. The body turned against me.
So I went to bed and fell asleep—again. I had already slept 9h, and now I fell asleep for another3 hours. I’m currently sitting in the living room, listening to the KallmeKris – Crime, Conspiracy, Cults and Murders podcast while writing this.
Even though I can’t go to school today, I will study. At least I’m home, and luckily they send the assignments in the school programs so I can do them at home. I will also try to get energy, etc., to fix stuff around at home.
No, the body breakdown isn’t about energy, etc.; it’s something else. I don’t know what it is, and it scares me. I have never had this before. It’s not my mental health either. It feels so weird. I can’t describe it. What’s going on?
Sorry for a bleh post but I just wanted to update y’all about current situation
(This post was supposed to be uploaded on October 9th – my apologies! I fell asleep while writing the post on October 9th and October 10th was just a weird day)
So many places and so little time. Crazy how days fly by, and I can’t wrap my head around the fact that we are soon in the middle of October! Now that’s crazy!
(October 9th) The day started with a visit to the dentist, where they shaped/filed a tooth for me (fixed the problem I had) and asked a lot of questions about my headaches & migraines. They used a funny-looking “camera scan” to take “photos” of my teeth, etc. Crazy! NO MOLDING WITH THE NASTY PURPLE BLOB STUFF ANYMORE! Yes, I was happy when I didn’t need to do that. lol! It only takes 3 weeks to get the mouth guard done, so in 3 weeks I’m getting it. Nervous but excited! Praying to God that it will help me with my headaches and migraines.
The reason why I’m nervous is because when I was younger, I used to have a mouth guard. Well, one night. I had it on for one night and woke up the next day completely deaf in my right ear. My sister even screamed straight in my ear, but I couldn’t hear anything. This lasted for a month (luckily I got my hearing back!), and ever since then, I’ve been terrified of those. So I am super nervous, almost at the point of being terrified and scared (I know it means the same thing), but I need to try. If this mouth guard works, I’m going to get one I can wear daily as well. Mama needs a break from the pain, and hopefully this works.
“Have you tried this and this medicine?” Yes. I have tried literally every migraine medicine that Sweden has to offer, but it doesn’t work.
If the mouth guard doesn’t work, I don’t know what else to do. I have been looking into Botox, but I’m also terrified of that!
Now let’s move on from the dentist and my scares.
After the dentist I went home. Eat something, and look for the charger to the R10 LP-E17 battery charger. It was gone. Already yesterday. Luckily I had power in my batteries! Hint; they didn’t last for long.
They have shipped my new 3-in-1 “machine,” so hopefully by Tuesday it will be here. My 3-in-1 machine is a new charging station for my batteries, and I can also use and charge it with a power bank! Uh, excuse me? Take all my money!! The charging station will also work as a power bank for my phone! Wait, what!? That’s insane! So technically you can say it’s like 1000i1—not really, but you get it. lol!
No rainboots andghost sound
Afternoon, I spent with my bestfriend. I actually had school but had meetings that made me not go to school for half an hour. I thought it was pointless. In school they were going to exercise—I don’t know why we would have that, but anyway—so I grabbed Elin (best friend), and we went out for a photowalk. Yup. I brought my cameras so she could use one (my faithful companion Canon 450D—Mufasa), and I used the R10. We took photos of mushrooms, and my goal with the photowalk was to find mushrooms on trees—with happiness I found some!
(October 10th input here; I was gonna convert the files so I could edit them but all off the sudden my memory card was gone and now it’s nowhere to be found!)
Back to October 9th; After the photowalk, we went to our place to have something to eat – Burger for me and pizza for Elin. Just laughing and talking. Having a great time! Time flies when we are together. Reels, jokes, games, gossip etc. Our hang outs are so different. Yes we play board games etc at restaurants (our restaurant) and just having a great time.
I love burned burger bun! Yes I’m weird.
We were supposed to go out and take pictures of the lights, etc., now with the colorful leaves on the ground and trees, but sadly, my batteries had died—all of them. I had 4 extra batteries, and each battery was supposed to last for two hours, but they didn’t. I need to look that up.
So we went to the grocery store. I bought my beloved soda I have been looking for. It’s rare, and I think they are discontinued now after this batch, which makes me so sad. It’s pure childhood memories for me. At least I got one bottle now 🙌🏻
Ghost sounds—this is funny! Me and Elin took a bus to the grocery store, and a man came on the bus as well, but while passing us, HE DID GHOST SOUNDS! I couldn’t stop laughing! Well, I guess he was practicing for trick or treat? Soon Halloween 🎃
What else? Well, I joined Michaela’s very first live on TikTok. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to be on video with her due to it being her first time, and she needed to do 2 more lives with 30 minutes each before I could join her.
Now this was my Thursday and here we go with friday
Friday wasn’t interesting; I went and got my son’s stuff. ordered medicines, picked up the medicines, and went home. Sadly I wanted to go out and have a moment for myself—photography. I didn’t have so much “alone time” after I came home. Batteries were dead, and I also had to go pick up E from school, make dinner, etc.
After d/WordPressied my phone and wanted to transfer the camera files to the phone (my laptop is too weak for Photoshop and Lightroom, so I use my phone when editing), but all of a sudden, the memory card was gone. I had two, but the 256GB card was all gone! Nowhere to be found! So strange!
My blog/WordPress was acting so weird! All of a sudden I had a blog theme design I had no clue where it came from. So many sites had been added, media files etc. (if you read HERE and HERE (after panic!) you will know what I mean with this)
Yeah, so this was my Thursday and Friday. Not so exciting yet panicking moment. No anxiety attack though! Woho! That sh*t was scary and I never wanna experience that ever again.
Some photos I took (not all off them but some)
These was taken with my phone due to the fact I cant show you pictures from my memory card (still missing)
I tried to stay calm but I didn’t. I got verbally attacked and threatened by “professionals”.
Hey guys! I don’t know how to write this post because my mind is going insane after a meeting!
I can’t believe what happened and thankfully I had my bestfriend Elin with me (I hate meetings and have bad experience when it comes to have meeting with the people I has meeting with today.
Morning; Got up, packed E’s bags, made breakfast (toast due to the stove is kaput ) and got him ready for the bus to school. Afterwards I actually went to sleep and took a nap (I think im getting sick and iam super tired a lot now so I need to book an appointment to check my iron and blood again), approximately 2 hours. Got up, took a shower, put makeup on (I know! it’s shocking! 😂) and made myself ready.
30 minutes before the meeting my head was on “bitch/angry mode” due to the fact I was having a meeting with the principal of the school – which, you guessed it, is the one who has made the experiences of meetings with her horrible. Elin and I were chatting, talking and looking on reels that I had saved on my phone and deleted them. I needed more space on my phone – yes I recorded the meeting . for 39 minutes
The meeting didn’t go well. They were rude as h*ll towards Elin and towards me, which made me automatically go into defense mode (which can make me mad sometimes), and I stood up for myself and for Elin. They told Elin to be quiet (even though she tried to explain my words better for the principal and some other woman who was there—I don’t know how to translate her title—so they would understand what I meant), which made me mad. even though both of them know about my bad memory and that I suck at explaining stuff.
The threats made me boil over. I’m not going to write what they said, etc., but let me just say that I asked several times, “How do you want it? Kick me out and let me continue the studies.” It wouldn’t be the first time the principal had kicked me out so thats why I asked this (and no, I havent done anything wrong that time nor this time but she really dislikes me and I.. honestly hate her). They didn’t give me clarification if I was allowed to continue or if I got kicked out.
During this meeting, I went in to my “escape mode” so I wouldn’t explode with anger. I focused on one object while talking and kept calm.
When I write this, I want to develop it more; when I get really, reallymad, I do this. As a young girl, I had massive anger issues, which caused me to black out and not remember what I had said or done while angry, and to break that cycle, I managed to find this way to handle it so I can remain more calm and involved in conversations, etc. No, this never happens around my son. I have never gotten that angry at him. So don’t worry, I would never touch my son or anything. The adults who are rude to me and push me into that position will meet that side (even though it’s very rare that it happens). I just want to clear things up before continuing to talk about the meeting.
While they went on and on after all the stuff I had told them and explained to them—heck, I even drew on papers to explain to them so they would understand—they mixed in verbal attacks on me. Yes, I have it on record, but sadly, the memory of my phone got full after 39 minutes, but luckily, Elin was there, and she heard everything.
I went into the meeting irritated and annoyed and left it pissed off and tried to wrap what just happened around my head.
The outfit I wore today. A typical mirror picture of myself when I’m at this school and not the school I attend now.
After the meeting
Elin and I went to our restaurant (we are there often), ordered food, and just talked about the meeting. We are both in shock at what just happened and everything they had said. It’s insane! We just had to talk about it. Vent, be mad, try fix stuff etc.
We sat there for an hour-ish and left the restaurant to go to J, but she wasn’t home, of course, but we met up with her. Hung out and later went to her place and hung out even more there. Serious talks, us telling about the meeting, shared anger about it, but later we changed the subject, and the laughing party was on. We laughed, talked, and had fun together. Elin and J bonded really fast, which made me so happy!
That’s pretty much the recap of my afternoon today. Got verbally attacked, threatened, had lunch and hung out with friends.
What made my day good, though?
● The food (6/10 but 10/10 when low sugar and hungry) ● Laughs ● My music ● The kitty cat Diesel (J’s cat) ● Pepsi Max ● Makeup ● Australia (those who knows, u know )
What made my day bad?
● The meeting & the attacks (or insults. Depends on how you would take it as) ● The food (just some) ● Allergic reaction after removing makeup (no this haven’t been an issue before. No I haven’t written about this) ● Cooking at the neighbors
Today has been a tough day for me. First it started alright but ended up in chaos.
Last night I had migraine attack from h*ll and this morning I woke up with just a light migraine, which made me decide to go to school for the first time in a week.
I went to school. Everything was fine and out of nowhere, it felt like someone smacked my head with something heavy. The migraine got worse. It was horrible. Like a snap with fingers.
I tried so much to follow along the class but the pain was so awful, I accidentally fell asleep in class (me falling asleep while having extreme migraine is normal) so one of my teachers came up to me and asked how I was doing.
I’ve probably snored (very common for me when migraine) in class but honestly, i dont care.
I decided to leave school for the day. In total I was in school for barely two hours.
At home, I have been having my migraine cap on and tried to study. I am so far behind now thanks to this. I managed to send in two assignments but after that, my head was killing me so I almost threw up (never happened me before).
Now the migraine is calmer (still there and bad but not like earlier today) and I can write this post.
The migraine cap is more down on one side to help with the whole pain on the left side of my face. That’s why it looks so weird on the picture.
●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●
The url doesn’t work (you can type it and come to the website but it shows . wordpress . Com) but I’m trying to fix that. I’m also planning to make a new header. A simple one. No so much stuff on it.
