Tag: son

Stress, Coffee and Performance

Published on by ☆ Emma Santorini ☆Leave a comment

Today is a coffee day! Stress, chaos, brain disconnected and a proud moment.

Goodmorning my

beautiful souls 🩷

As you have read above, today / this morning havent been a good morning except watching my son preform in school (a tradition) now when it was Lucia last Saturday (13th December). He did so good! I had to cover my face though so I had like a burka (sorry! No disrespect!) so only my eyes was showing so I could watch him.

If he would have seen me, he would have run to me instead of being with the kids on the “stage” preforming. He did so good. Unfortunately we weren’t allowed to take pictures during the performance so this picture below is taken before it started.

Advent 🕯

When the performance was at the end, they put music on loud so everyone including the audience (the parents) could join and dance with everyone and that’s when it became too much for E. He started to cover his ears, cry and have a meltdown so I removed my jacket from my face so he saw me and I went over to him. He cried so much. I was praising E so much, telling him that he was so good and how proud me and his dad is.

We left instead of joining them for fika (a must in Sweden – cookies and beverages)  so E wouldn’t get all worked up and refusing to stay in school. So a few hugs and kisses and the teacher walked away with him.

Now to the chaos part

I AM SO CLUMPSY! To enter the school we need a passing card and I remembered i forgot mine at home in all stress that happened this morning to go in time so we wouldn’t miss E’s performance.

So M dropped me off at the bus, I went home again to get it, repacked my bag for school, and quickly changed outfits. I don’t want to go to school with a dress and toooooo much showing. I noticed that when I came home! Ohmygod! Fortunately I had covered my body so it wasn’t showing for anyone.

Now it’s a coffee morning!

Due to all the stress, chaos etc I felt it was time for ice coffee and luckily I have many in cans so I dumped two cans in my mug. I havent had these for a long time so I was hesitant first but after first sip it was like angels sang in my ears.

Coffee makes me tired so I can calm down a bit. ADHD and caffeine is a good combo if you wanna get tired and calm down.

Now I am on my way to school- I will be approximately 2h and 20minutes late. But hey, i notified my teacher last night that I will be late and I messaged her explaining what was going on so she told me to take it easy and no stress. That felt so good. But unfortunately I have missed a lot but what to do? Today it was about my son and unfortunately this happened.

I will blog later today—first school thought. Home and study, but I will fix it. I have wanted to blog so many times, but due to me being so tired and barely having anything happen, I didn’t, but now I’m going to get back again to the blogging. I will also answer your comments! I see you 🩷

Currently playing in my ears; Cher – Stronger

I mean, how fitting isn’t that? I have became obsessed with one song with Cher!

It is sooooo good!! I listen to it on repeat!

Choose your battles.

Published on by ☆ Emma Santorini ☆Leave a comment

Good morning, my beautiful people! I hope you all are doing well. I’m currently back home. Was supposed to get E to school, but he had tantrums outside, so he woke the neighbors, so they were looking through their blinds.

I finally managed to get us back home (tantrum for 40 minutes outside with no luck), so today he will be home from school. With lack of sleep and this morning, I can honestly say, I am tired.

Yes, I am keeping my life in the blog raw and authentic. I’m not going to sugarcoat the reality. I’m sharing my life because I know I have other autistic families who read the blog, and we know the struggles sometimes. Some days are good, and some days are a bit of a struggle. It’s the reality of a family with a person who has special needs.

So today will be a day to stay home. This has started to happen daily now, so I have notified the school what’s going on and that we will be at school when the situation is calm and better. They are ok with that. Sadly, today will be a stay-at-home day.

So this was my morning. How is your morning?

Choose your battles.

~ Unknown

No, I do not have pictures of the situation and what happened. My focus is to calm the situation, and taking photos/videos during a breakdown is nothing I do.

Reason for this morning’s meltdown: bus.My son loves busses and these mornings for the past few days has been very difficult.  He wants to go for a ride in the buses, but we don’t need to take the bus to the school. The situation escalates every time, but what can I do? All I can do is handle the situations by remaining calm, try to calm down the situations, and keep my son safe.

“Autism doesn’t come with an instruction guide. It comes with a family who will never give up.”

~ Kerry Magro

Adventure plans? Phobias?

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Goodmorning / goodafternoon / good evening my beautiful sunflowers! I hope you all are doing well today! I’m fine, just tired. Had nightmare last night mixed with migraine.

The nightmare was about (this actually happened irl) the carlane we were in for 4 hours and what we saw when passing it. There was a massive accident that had happen and as we drove by it, we saw the front of the car to windshield was under a truck and beside that car was a body bag with a person in. So I had flashbacks to that. Scary situation but im glad E didn’t see it. I have actually never seen a body bag before irl.. And I have worked at hospital and seniors homes.. it was scary.

Anyway, enough about that flashback. We are currently on our way to do some adventure. We spoke about going to the Sweden’s “Golden Gate Bridge” but I dont know anymore. We’ll see what happens.

I have been to that bridge once in my life and I cried and had panic the whole way over. I am very scared and have phobias for bridges. How i got that phobia? When I was younger I saw a clip, I dont know if it was from a news station in America or someone had recorded it, of the Golden Gate Bridge (or maybe an other Bridge that looked similar) how the storm was making it swing back and forth and the road up and down. I think I was five when I saw that and that phobia has been stuck ever since. So going over bridges now and especially with my son with me, I have to stay calm even though I have panic inside of me.

Do you have any phobias?

So we’ll see how this goes if we go there. If we go there I’ll take pictures ofcourse. It’s very beautiful there. Nature, water and the bridge. Mind blowing how people can build something like that! I dont understand how to be honest but again, im not a person who works with that.

I will blog later. I’m gonna try become more active here.

Its June, I am ashamed and it’s soon time to go.

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why am I ashamed? because I have wanted to blog for a long long time but havent really had anything to blog about. My life has honestly been very down lately but I feel its getting a bit better.

I have started to “take care” of myself better, put myself first (well.. my son comes first but you get it). I have been distancing myself more from people due to have been surrounded by toxic people. Kinda detoxing from people so I can heal.

I even cut “friends” out from my life due to lies, scam etc. Scams? Lies? Yes, you read it right. Who I thought was my friend used me and manipulated me til I put my foot down and asked my best friend for help.

I even failed school due to my  son being sick so much so I missed out ~ ofcourse my son comes first! Don’t get me wrong ~ so I decided to stop attending or what to call, which means I failed school.

I have not picked up my cameras more than maybe twice since I was in Amsterdam. I lost the passion of using my cameras but have used my phone to take photos, which really havent been any “use” to show here on the blog nor Instagram.

I’ve stopped using social medias due to lost intests and feeling pressure to put on makeup, fix the esthetic feelings on photos etc just to please people. I was “like/following” hungry before but I realized .. whats the point? Why chase something that is no need when it comes to people who doesn’t care .. like genuinely cares about my content.. other than have a following of people who really actually care about my stuff  my photos, my thoughts etc. For me, that is more important. Having a connection with readers, followers etc.

So right now I’m focusing on myself while also trying to remember how to breathe and how to be alone instead of trying to be surrounded by people the whole time. The next two weeks will be a challenge for me. Switzerland , yes its time to go to Switzerland. I have honestly not been looking forward to it due to three reasons, 1. We are going with an other family that the husband/father I dislike.. like massively dislike. 2. Knowing the reality that im the one who’s gonna be the only parent on the trip while M will have fun (dont get me wrong, I love my son but sometimes I want to kinda.. walk around, breathe and just think by myself) 3. Switzerland is a very beautiful country from what I have googled and heard from people but its not really a country that “speaks” to me to come visit but I’m trying to think positive about it ~ first outside Sweden vacation with my son (even though the responsibilities will be 1000% on me) & new views to see & snap photos of ofcourse.

Today I have actually

✅️ emptied all the memory cards ✅️ Charged batteries to the cameras ✅️ Written a whole new list of our stuff to bring ✅️ Ordered stuff that is needed (medicines etc) ✅️ Packed down my camera gears

So now its only clothes, electronics etc that need to be packed down in the suitcase which I will do tomorrow while son is at school. Also a seperate bag for E’s stuff to have in car to entertain him when we arent at playgrounds on the road. I have also written a list of what to bring for E and the car ride . Yes it might sound ridiculous but I take precautions any time instead of his his tantrums (autistic & non verbal) and him being absolutely bored. Remind you that he is just seven years old so he ain’t getting electronics. What I have written on the list is just coloring pens, papers, toys, his stuffed animal, kickbike + helmet, football and few books. Something to keep him a bit occupied when not looking out through the windows which he loves when going on car rides.

Parents with children who travel , is there something I should think of?

This is the very first time we go outside Sweden and actually for a long car ride with E (son) so we dont really know but ofcourse im using my mama feelings but it feels like im missing something or somethings but dont know what.

IT’S FINALLY WEEKEND!

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Goodmorning everyone! I hope you all are doing good!

It is officially the weekend now! FINALLY! What’s your plans for the weekend?

I’m gonna study, go live on Tiktok (when E is sleeping. Never going live when he is up!) but mainly take care of my son who actually was burning hot yesterday and fell asleep at the kitchen table, so my husband and I managed to get him to bed and there he have been sleeping since 6pm til 7am. Today?? It’s like normal. Like nothing has happened with him. He is full off energy,  laughing etc. Normal temperature etc. I wonder what it was that got E to feel that bad. But I’m so glad that he is feeling better but 👀 I will watch him like a hawk 👀

I’m actually thinking of dyeing my hair tonight (if possible due to how my son is and how he sleeps – I don’t dye my hair when he is awake). I really want to go back to neonred hair but must keep it brown so my hair can rest. Luckily I don’t use hair dye with ammonia and all different kind of bad stuff in it and I love it!!

How are you today? 🥰

A happy little boy who finally can..

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.. ride his kickbike. The pure happiness when we told him that he now could ride on his kickbike because they have brushed the stones away.

We went to a location to let him roam freely on his kickbike ~ ofcourse we kept an eye on him. The laughter, the smiles, the focus and everything. Made my heart jump with joy.

His dad wanted to try the kickbike as well (middle picture) and first E let him but wooh, the speed he had to stop M (dad) from riding it. Lol! Hilarious!

We stopped by a store and bought ice cream as well.  It was a fun little family day for a while before M had to go to work for a second time that day.

ofcourse I blurry my son’s face due to privacy and respect for my son.

I can not wait to have many more family days like this in the future. I know now we gonna have soooo many when the spring is finally here and soon summer. We love going on car rides to see the nature, sit outside and have picnics etcetera. 

What is your favorite thing about Spring?

Visionboard for 2025

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Ofcourse health, relationships, friends and love is on my visionboard as well! I can’t wait to see what 2025 has for me!.

Do you have a visionboard?

7 years ago ..

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Today is not a regular day because it is my child’s birthday! HOORAY HOORAY HOORAY!

Seven years ago I became a mom. Despite what doctors told me. They have always told me to give up on my biggest dream to become a mother. It would never happen due to my PCOS.

and seven years ago i gave birth to my beautiful baby boy. My little handsome man. My little man.

my angel. the love of my life. I can’t believe that I got the gift and blessing to become your mother.

a traumatic pregnancy and a more traumatic experience when giving birth, i will forever be thankful for what I, as a person and my mentally was able to do.

life sure tests us with your diagnosis but man I grow as a mother and as a person everyday thanks to you my love.

Happy Birthday E 🎂 🥳🎉

Why my passion for photography died

Published on by ☆ Emma Santorini ☆2 Comments

it’s been a long long day! Productive but super long. today I actually bought a camera so I can take the photography game to the next level. Well.. maybe better level than the current one.

It is an old model of the camera but it is just one for now til I have relearned the skills, settings etc again and later on can invest in a good camera. So for now it’s a good camera. Almost brand new. Barely used. Objective included but luckily I have some of my old ones left. Now I just need an external adapter SD card reader so I can empty my memory cards (I have like 10 or something). Kinda curious what I have on them 😅

Unfortunately the passion for photography died for me on same time as my parents passed away but slowly I have getting the passion back [there for massive amount of photos on my phone and also some uploaded here and on instagram] which is good because it was a way for me to escape the reality for a while when I had low moments.

So I’m excited to re-do everything I learned, read, tried etc. Luckily I will still have my phone to take photos with as well but gonna try after my skills is back to use camera more. Maybe the quality of photos in the blog gets better? Hm.

My beloved boy. After school. So fascinated of the sign “Din fart” = Your speed. It shows green or red numbers for the speed you are driving. He always stops there and say the letters plus wait a bit for a car to pass by.

Alright today it is.. Monday 21st of October.  how insane isn’t that? the October month is soon over. Iam not ready! No no! Let’s keep having October, fall and the beauty for a while. No snow. I dont like snow. lol.

Today i have been doing MASSIVE cleaning at home. I have tossed away so much stuff I can’t even believe it. But most fun part; there is more to declutter and throw away. Mouhaha!

Clean, study, dinner, went and bought the camera, played some games in between the cleaning (pauses) and now iam officially in bed.

Laundry, meetings and school is on the agenda for tomorrow. Hopefully everything will be fine.

So i guess this is goodnight and I apologize that I haven’t blogged today. Kinda crazy day and I’ve helped my sister on game there for I’ve been “playing games”.

Goodnight ♡

5 things I am grateful for

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5 things I am grateful for is kinda hard to think out because I am grateful for so many things. All from my son, to my education, to my interests but I’ll try write five things and maybe in future I can write more. Lol!

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please join this little challenge! It’s a fun challenge to share so we all get to know each other.
Note; do NOT share personal information, locations of your work/home/etc. Just be safe if you join this.
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Five things I am grateful for

● My son & family
I will forever be thankful / grateful for my son who’s a miracle. Growing up the doctors told me to give up my dream (to become a mother) because it would never happen because I’ve PCOS. Yet here I am. A mother for soon seven years. I’m thankful that I have made my own family. A lifepartner and son. My family.
● Education
Growing up I had hard time in school – bullying. No help from teachers or what so ever. But today I have an education – nurse assistant and I am currently studying my old grades up to I can become a preschool teacher. The nurseasssitant education was actually a promise to my mother before I died. She wanted my and my siblings to become a nurse so we would help people more than we did.
● Finding myself
I’m still working on myself and forever will but lately I have found myself a little bit. I’ve managed to get my real style out in public and not being hiding behind other clothes. I dyed my hair neon red again. I have managed to find focus and things to make myself feel better.
● Emma Santorini blog
I’m actually very very grateful for this blog. Even thought I haven’t been updating so much lately (I have posted like 80 posts since august). I’m grateful because I write my thoughts out. Write my life like a journal. Share photographs I’ve taken, ideas, and share my opinions of things.
● YOU!
I’m so grateful for you! Why? Because you are you! Never change for anyone. Never change yourself. I’m grateful because you are here. Life is hard but I’m here to help if you need someone to talk.

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What are you grateful for?