Tag: bad mental health

Well, this is scary.

Published on by ☆ Emma Santorini ☆4 Comments

Eye vision changed due to the antidepressant medicine. I told my doctor and nurse I had to immediately stop.

The worst part is, due to me noticing that my eyesight had changed all of a sudden, I made an appointment with an eye doctor and bought a brand-new pair of glasses. They cost me €300, and when I picked them up… I couldn’t see in them.

I bought those kinds of glasses so I can use them for near- and long-sightedness, or whatever it’s called. I could only sort of see at short sight… not long. So the staff who were handling the glasses told me to wear them daily for two weeks. If I still couldn’t see, I would come back.

They are big, and honestly, they are so ugly I had to get them. Yes, they are really shaped like this. Not round like a circle, and that’s one reason why I had to have them.

The shape and the size. I hate seeing the frame when I wear glasses. Sure, I still see the frame, but it’s not that much, so it doesn’t bother me, honestly.

I hope my eyes change so I can see correctly in them. I pray to God. Or else I have to pay even more money to get the glasses changed in the frame, and I have no desire to do that.

It’s scary how much my eyes have changed in numbers of my vision. I had 1.25 in my left eye, and now I only have 0.75. That’s crazy! On shorter time than a month! It’s scary, and I’m terrified!

Back to the doctor and nurse … I went to an emergency appointment with the doctor last Thursday (12th), and I requested to have the nurse with me due to me not understanding the doctor so well due to language barriers.

They told me to immediately stop with the medicine, and luckily I hadn’t taken any that day. They gave me a new medicine that I’m trying out now, so let’s see how this one works.

I honestly feel a little bit better in my mental health but way far from being 100% or atleast close to it. I am more happy now (ish) and I have started with something I can not write about here.. not yet. so its a secret. But I will tell you guys with time so stay tuned 🤫🤭 

Much love my beautiful souls and thank you for coming back here, commenting and sharing love ❤️

Healing is active courage—showing up for yourself even when no one is clapping.

Published on by ☆ Emma Santorini ☆Leave a comment

Healing isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to who you were before the world taught you to abandon yourself.

I am healing at a pace my nervous system can trust. I refuse to rush what took years to survive.

Working on myself both mentally and spiritually is the best decision I have taken. Healing myself from childhood traumas and sorrow, and for hurting myself for years, takes time. 

I’m still alive! I have been physically exhausted and missed school this week’s Tuesday, but I’m now on my way to a city for a dentist appointment for E. A child dentist (pedodontist) who specializes in special needs kids. 

I prefer sleeping, but the adult must adulting today. Lol!

Return.. to the… oh no

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Preparing mentally for the return to school.

I know I have been quiet but honestly, my mental is getting prepared (plus recharged) to go back to school with over 3k kids. 😬

Hello, my beautiful souls! 🩷 I hope you all are doing well! I haven’t blogged since January 5th, I know, but I have been trying to get as much rest as I could before school starts tomorrow. I was so stressed and had so much panic, etc., about me sending the assignments in before the deadline, so I crashed after. Mentally, my entire body and brain got drained of so much energy.

— ADHD —

I have fallen asleep daily during the daytime, and I have also, in between this, started with new medication. I’m trying ADHD medicine again (I have not had medicines for ADHD since I was 20). I tried once, but wow… bad), and that one makes me tired as well.

— Makeup —

Pink & Blue. Yes, I walked outside with these looks. On the blue look I have added blue eyeshadow on the eyebrows as well (after taken the pics). 

I have had some energy twice so far that I have actually done makeup. If you know me, I’m obsessed with makeup and love to do makeup looks, but you know… THAT happened, but I’m slowly getting back to it. I mean, I have done it twice already! The last time before these two I did makeup was in September, and before that, March. So going from having makeup daily to having it once in a while is a big change.

One of my goals for 2026 (I posted it earlier, but this is just a reminder to myself) is to try to get back to doing makeup and to try to have energy to do the things I love, such as makeup, photography, blogging, and going for walks. I miss being out in nature. Of course, with my camera in one hand and a stick to remove branches, etc., with the other hand.

— WRONG BROWN! —

Since I go back to school tomorrow (read, +3k students), I wanted to dye my hair. New semester, new hair. Honestly, I wanted to dye it red, but to let my hair rest, I did brown. It doesn’t make me dye my hair often if I have brown compared to when I have red. 😬 When I have red hair, I dye it 3-5 times a week—yes, you read that right!!! So imagine how ruined my hair is. Everything to just keep my bright neon red hair going.

I tried to make the light “normal,” but I took these in the bathroom, and it has yellow lights, so I apologize for that. // ADHD & HAIR DYE—total disaster / No, I didn’t put a stamp on these.

I thought I bought just a regular brown hair dye and after looking in the mirror, it was super super dark! Yes I took selfie with the cardboard box but I didn’t look at the number 😬 I had taken dark brown and it looks almost black on me. Oh my.

So we’ll see how it looks tomorrow when I get ready for school. I always let my hair air dry, so I don’t know how the color really is until tomorrow 😅 it dries super slow. 

— Wish me luck —

I’m both excited and mostly anxious about going back to school. I don’t know if I passed the classes last semester or not. Honestly, I don’t feel motivated to go back, but I refuse to quit now.

I hope you all have a wonderful week 🩷🩷🩷

Chaotic start of 2026

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The focus, the stress and the chaos has been real! So glad it’s over for a little bit now.

Hello, my beautiful people! I apologize for not blogging this year (yet), but I have been stressed like a maniac!

Remember when I told you guys that my mental health isn’t so good and that it has been declining?  Still low at the moment, but between Christmas and this last Saturday (January 3rd) I have been maniacally stressing through assignments, sending them in, correcting them, chatting with teachers about grades, school, etc.  Last night I made, hopefully, the last piece for this semester. 

Grades will be decided on January 8, and my next semester starts on January 12th, so I am back to school soon! Crazy!

Let’s appriciate the fact that I have gotten some energy back so I could do some makeup again 🙌🏻

I know that one course with the awful teacher who name-called me and disrespected me a lot this semester is done 🙌🏻 I passed it! Thank God.

Long story short, I passed Kost & Hälsa (Food & Health). I don’t know about the rest, but I had 50 assignments to send in before January 1st. Due to my mental health, I couldn’t make them earlier, but in one week, I made them all. The focus, the discipline, and the live chats I was on (TikTok), talking with friends, made me continue. I finished them! Woho!

So for this semester, I made a promise to myself to never let this happen again! So pray for me and my mental health. 

Two more semesters and I a m d o n e finally! I have also made a decision to take a break from school (I have been studying nonstop for ten years) to focus on myself and to work.

So yeah, that has been my reality for the past… weeks? But here I am.

Panic, but I think I made it, but it made my head go loco.

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the hustle. the stress. the panic. the warnings. It made my head go loco.

But guess who managed to fix it? I DID!!!! I got a warning from my teacher that I was about to fail some classes, and this is the last week I have to do the last of the assignments. I have been sitting for several days for HOURS and just worked my butt off and sent them in. I now “only” have five left plus a presentation on Monday, and after that I am done for this first semester! 

So I am extremely happy and actually surprised, plus in shock of myself. One week and I have sent in… I don’t know how many assignments. Is that my ADHD working? Better under pressure? I have no idea, but I can honestly say—next semester and the last one, I do NOT want to do this again!

So because of this, my head is now all loco! Hopefully I can take a small break this weekend and get some rest for my head but if I know myself.. I won’t. 

This year my mental health has really declined so much, but I’m hopeful that next year will be a better year. I started with a new medicine a week ago for my ADHD (I requested it myself), and it has actually helped me get a bit more focus. Sure, I’m still tired, so I also got new sleeping pills that knock me completely out. So I haven’t taken them every day—two pills since last week. I will only take it when E is not home and I have nothing important the day after. Mama needs her sleep! That’s why I’m hopeful! Hopefully it will help me get better.

I have even started to do some makeup which has been superloooong time ago. Last Monday (15th) I had red eyelook and visited my last internship location before school. Let me tell you guys, the look on my kids / students. Oh my. They complimented me so much and that actually made me happy so I have been using makeup twice this week.

So I am a bit hopeful about 2026. I’m working hard to become myself. The bubbly, happy, laughing, goofy Emma.

Thank you everyone for reading. 🤍 As you know, my head is all messed up now, so I apologize that I haven’t answered any comments yet. I will when my head allows me. Even writing this post takes energy. Plus I have been at an education presentation today, and I actually fell asleep for a few seconds, so today is a tired day for me.

Short time in the town. Kinda regret it

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Why did I forgot?

Today I had to go to the town for the first time in a long time. Due to my bad mental health, I haven’t had energy, etc., to just go. But I have noticed since I came home from Italy, it has gotten a bit better. Thank God.

Pharmacy, cafelatte caramel, cardamom bun, art, selfie, books and window shopping.

Today’s outfit. I had a long shirt and a pair of shorts. I still try to get out of my comfort zone, so today I went to the town like this.

The shoes I have on are from Primark in Italy. I’m trying to “walk in” them, so luckily I had an extra pair in my bag.

(Also, don’t ask me what I’m doing in the second picture because I have no idea.)

While waiting on the pharmacy to open after lunch, I decided to go and have my first caramel caffe latte in a long time. Thank God I took water because, oh my god, how sweet the latte was. I had totally forgotten how sweet it is. I forced myself to drink it all (blood sugar was going down) and also eat the bun. But it… made me struggle, I’m not gonna lie.

While sitting here, I charged my headphones. All of a sudden, while I was listening to music on the bus, a person said in my headphones, “Low battery” and I hate that, so I was charging at the cafe while playing some game on the phone.

When i was done with my fika I went to the pharmacy but they still weren’t open. Frustrating for me, im not gonna lie, so I decided to go “window shopping” except it wasn’t through windows.

I didn’t purchase anything. It was alright just looking around. Found these cute little handbags; I was tempted to buy them, but what would I use them for? I tried to come up with something to use it for, but I couldn’t, so I left them.

Normally I just walk past the bookstore, but today my head actually told me to go check the books out, so I did. I havent read a book since 5th grade, so for me actually wanting to buy one book to read is super duper rare. Unfortunately I didn’t find anyone that caught my interest.

So this was a short, little brief post about what I did today.

I’m actually going to bed now. Dentist tomorrow and I am not ready for it 😭 # phobiaofthedentist

Goodnight my loves!

Tomorrow I’m going to sneak-charge the tab I own (and lend it out to E) so I can start writing on my blog through that one as well.

Anyway, my eyes is heavy so I’m going to put down my phone and sleep.